is your mom at the bar?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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