i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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