Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
