My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
