I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
