hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
