Can i not drive my cunt home
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
