proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
