Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Boobs are out for the taking
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
