Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
