i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
