Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
