Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
