I'm pants shitting drunk right now
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i love accidental penises.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
