Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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