Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
