Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
