upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
