im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
