Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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