She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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