Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
