You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When did angry sex become our thing?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
