I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
