defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
