You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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