There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
