i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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