We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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