I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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