the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
