dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
