: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
