the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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