i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
