Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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