thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
