ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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