I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pants are for mortals
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
