i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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