So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
