So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
