what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
