He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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