just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
