Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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