Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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