I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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