Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
