They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
