Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
