Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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